"So," Adam said, sitting across from me behind the closed door of his office. "I'd like to tell you something and ask you to keep it private."
"Anything for you," I replied and waited for him to call me cheeky before smiling silently and waiting for him to share his secret.
"I'm looking for other jobs," he confided and I felt my heart ache sharply as I blinked back tears, looking down briefly before nodding.
"I knew you were," I replied. "It's not been an easy adjustment for any of us and I know you're not happy. But," I trailed off, thinking this was a rather new experience for me. Mentors are supposed to be stationary and settled, tenure trapping them neatly in their offices so that I could easily find them. I was the one who got to leave.
You're my boss, I almost said. You rescued me from academia and gave me a career I adore. I've drifted from infatuation to abject hatred to a deep affection for the man and the thought of not getting to tease and laugh, commiserate and plot with him, was stunningly painful for that moment.
It's for the best, I decided. People who drift into my life are there for a reason and I get to love and enjoy them before they inevitably go away. I sometimes smile over photos or re-read old emails, struggling against an appropriately bittersweet sensation. Dreading that sensation is what keeps me writing here, waiting for the next trip so I can post self-indulgent photos and rambling posts. But as my site stats plummet and comments drift toward zero (which is fine - I totally understand that there's not a lot here to feel much about), I'm not doing a whole lot of good.
Then again, I'm in a mopey phase. Perhaps this too shall pass. If not, you can look forward to an angst-filled and deeply emotional goodbye post sometime.
"Anything for you," I replied and waited for him to call me cheeky before smiling silently and waiting for him to share his secret.
"I'm looking for other jobs," he confided and I felt my heart ache sharply as I blinked back tears, looking down briefly before nodding.
"I knew you were," I replied. "It's not been an easy adjustment for any of us and I know you're not happy. But," I trailed off, thinking this was a rather new experience for me. Mentors are supposed to be stationary and settled, tenure trapping them neatly in their offices so that I could easily find them. I was the one who got to leave.
You're my boss, I almost said. You rescued me from academia and gave me a career I adore. I've drifted from infatuation to abject hatred to a deep affection for the man and the thought of not getting to tease and laugh, commiserate and plot with him, was stunningly painful for that moment.
It's for the best, I decided. People who drift into my life are there for a reason and I get to love and enjoy them before they inevitably go away. I sometimes smile over photos or re-read old emails, struggling against an appropriately bittersweet sensation. Dreading that sensation is what keeps me writing here, waiting for the next trip so I can post self-indulgent photos and rambling posts. But as my site stats plummet and comments drift toward zero (which is fine - I totally understand that there's not a lot here to feel much about), I'm not doing a whole lot of good.
Then again, I'm in a mopey phase. Perhaps this too shall pass. If not, you can look forward to an angst-filled and deeply emotional goodbye post sometime.
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